The Jon Huff Quote Page

This is just some of the hilarity that my roommate, the man, Jon Huff himself, utters. I thought it was selfish to keep it all to myself, so I am going to share it with all of you. Enough from me, check out him and laugh until you piss yourself: trust me, you will.

"You know Kyle, I'll bet my hair isn't all greasy just because of the grease from my head when I sleep; I bet you jack off in my hair and rub it all around." - (15 second pause and realization of what he just said) - "NEVER TYPE THAT!!!"

"Kyle, this is the King James, not the New International Version of what I'm saying!"

"I'll have sex with the registrar. I DID THE REGISTRAR, KYLE!!!"

"I like it. I like shit."

"How'd she get hurt last June? Oh! Did she microwave a hotdog?"

"All I have to do is go to your site and Ctrl+P it and fuck it all around and say,'Kyle said this' or 'Kyle made me say this' and then no one will believe it. Ha!"

"I'm just gonna make up my own quote page about you and make up things that you say. So fuck you, Kyle."

"I've got things you say on tape! All I have to do is type 'em. Ha!"

"Ms. Mott with womanly child...Uh...woman with child."

"Her boobs are in a constant state of jiggling. Wouldn't you just love that?"

"I use shaving cream sometimes."

"You're gonna rape Muldoon tomorrow."

"I rape my face off - I love it!"

"A car without music is like a girl without boobs."

"You can always tell the poor black people - they're the ones that don't match."

"It's like girls who can't wear bikinis because their nipples are too big."

"Damn it, Kyle! Quit quoting me!"

"Raersch!"

"I've gotta take a crap first."

"I love Sam's! - I wanna have sex with Sam's!"

"Oh, Kyle! They must still be clapping, waiting for him to come out and rape them! Oh!"

"I don't wanna have sex! I had enough sex at Killian Hill to last a lifetime!"

"Ben Atteberry - I'd shove his head between my legs. Fuckin' Squarebear."

"I'll dot-dot-dot you all over the place!"

"If I dated a girl with a forehead that big I'd make her wear a hat! Wouldn't you?!"

"Biscuit fucker."

"Yeah, you're ugly as shit Danielle Leffew!"

"Oh yeah, person in a white graduation outfit - my favorite."

"You're all fat! All of you, DANG IT!"

"I'm gonna quote you. I'm gonna fuck you - with quotes."

"I hate black people."

"Oh! Damn your chin!"

"Put your tongue in your mouth you country shit!"

"Mmm! Pakistan shit! I swear, if they had one hot girl over there we shouldn't bomb them, but they don't!"

"Kyle! Stop!"

"Once again, black people ruining the computer screen."

"I swear I'm gonna kill you!"

"She has a DICK!"

"I don't swear you ass! - NO!"

"I've had sex with Dan Westmoreland."

"I never said that!"

"I never said I had sex with Dan Westmoreland."

"Sick. Disgusting. 400 pounds. Huge fat-ass! I just saw Alden on here except she was naked."

"Ewww! Lauren Justice head stretched out like Men In Black."

"Kyle, no! No, Kyle! No Kyle! She checks this website! No, Kyle! No! Please, No!"

"You might as well say,'Fuck everyone!' Because I'm not gonna have any friends after they check your website."

"Fuck you and your little sideburns and fake earrings shit! Damn it, Kyle! I hate you!"

"Where's the remote to - sex?"

"I'm gonna put some pants on."

"Oh! There's a phone in my crotch."

"Jesus told me Merry Christmas."

"Your mom probably washes them with PUBE DOWNY!!! Yeah, WET PUBES!!!"

"I didn't say, 'I'm gonna rape you with this hamburger.'"

"My nose got stuffy, it must be the ice storm coming."

"Kyle, I'm gonna rape you with 10 hamburgers."

"How old are these shits?"

"If I stuck mustard in my ass, do you think Jared Dawson would wanna make a hotdog with me?"

"I was thinking up something. Like another name for a horse dick. People's penises are called penises, but what about animal's penises? What about a horse? I'm gonna come up with another name for a horse penis...(45 seconds later) Ha! A Hick!...(30 seconds after that) No, a habersham! Ha ha!"

"Fuckin' Kyle, I'll rape you with french fries!"

"I'll fuck you in the ass with a dorito."

"I'm gonna invite Keri and Brad Whayne to my next birthday party. You know why? Because they're my best friends. I'm gonna invite Ty too."

"Why is my head in the picture, you ass?!

"I thought you said you were starting your profile, you bitch."

"I've got to lay out my clothes for tomorrow; get out of the way."

"I think my hair is rotting off my head."

My sheets smell like Austin's cigarette shit!"

"What did Chaff say? Hm?"

"You ass! Wrinkle my duckheads?! Kyle, those were my dad's! They've been handed down through many generations of Huff's!"

"You Killian-Hill-Collared ass."

"My duckheads demand respect!"

"She's a weapon with words."

"I don't get constipated, I get even."

"He wanted to let her know he was a bad kid. Naughty Hudson."

"I'd be, like, ass in the way."

"You get in these little moods and just rape me tongue and cheek."

"I was playing with it while the teacher was out of the room."

"Have you ever shitted out a golf club? Cause that's what it felt like I just did!"

"Your mom and my mom wait, like, six months to get cameras developed and it pisses me off!"

"Who took all these damn pictures?!"

"Kyle, check you out. You're about to rape Shiela Mobley's bald head."

"Ah! This CD never gets old! Seriously, I could listen to this CD for the rest of my life and never get sick of it."

"Is it true that whitey tighties squander your inheritance? What the hell am I saying?!"

"How many people wanna lick some Judy?"

"I wanna have sex with an irishman!"

"Aaron Lewis wannabe."

"She's like Derek times two."

"Don't quote me like Garraway."

"You can't quote me unless I say it, right?"

Take into consideration the honesty that inspires this website and that I am not the only person who thinks these things about these people on this majestic site.